Deadly Gas
by KraljicaZla
Summary: "Idiots." "Sadist." "Teamwork." "Kidnap." "Pain." "Nude." "E*****on." "Oh, nice one. Negligee." "Effort." "Tender." "Raw." "Wound." "Dirty." "Young." "Girly." "Yellow." "Wild." "Dumba*s." "Squirm." "Meal." "Lust." "Teleportation." "News." "Scandal." "Lie." "DON'T PLAY SHIRITORI IN THE SUMMARY, YOU, YOU... IDIOTS!" "Ah, repeating words is against the rules. You lose." "GO TO HELL!"
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue

**Prologue / Chapter 0**

**When playing in class, be sure not to get caught**

**23-5-12-3-15-13-5-0-20-15-0-14-15-14-19-5-14-19-5**

Classroom door opened with an unpleasant screech of rusty hinges. Muffled apology to the teacher and commotion while taking a seat. A cough on the left, clicking of a pen cap on the right. A giggle and then a sound of nose blowing only two beats after a loud sneeze. More pen clicking.

A hand is in the air, and a question stops the teacher's monologue.

…Now that's not the face you see often at early morning classes.

Who? That girl over there, in the back row. Oh, don't let it fool you, that wide-eyed, I-really-wanna-know look on her face. Or that twinkle in her eye. That one's bored out of her mind. I assure you, she's only measuring how long she could go without blinking. You don't believe me? Tsk, just look at her.

No, don't roll your eyes playing smartass with me. Just look at her, closely. …You see now? She's not blinking. To be exact, she hadn't blinked for 43 seconds now. She's really proud of that, and is aiming to blow her own personal record of one minute and 14 seconds.

That's **S**, and she's a student here. I know her, and I know she won't succeed. After all, if she had slept the night before, she might've had a cha- Ah, there it is. Oh, nicely done, hiding the tears with a fake yawn.

I'll bet ya, Reader-san, in ten cookies that she'll now turn around to see if anyone noticed her antics.

Aaaaaaaaaaand… You lost.

We'll discuss the terms of payment on a later date, if you don't mind. My sweets stash is filled to the brim right now, and I know that soon enough I'll get that sweet tooth's mating call… And something else will be filled to the brim, the-he.

No, wait, let me rephrase that.

The only thing getting filled are my pan-

No, that sounds wrong too.

All of the filling will go straight to my-

I GIVE UP, ALRIGHT?! I'M GETTING FAT! THERE, NO METAPHORS! *pant* *pant*

…I apologize. I lost my temper there, and I promise it won't happen again… *cough* Anytime soon, that is. Moving on to the matter at hand since I kinda got lost there for a bit.

It looks as **S**'s trying to beat her record again so we'll leave her be. Look now two seats to her left, at the flaming redhead with a lipstick on. Look at how diligent she is, writing down stuff furiously in her notebook… And to answer your question – I know you'd ask this – but, no, she's not killing off criminals worldwide by writing their names down.

Nah, that's just **A** - your everyday, girl-next-door, loud, rabid fan girl. And as any everyday, girl-next-door, loud, rabid fan girl, she's writing steamy boy-on-boy smut in the middle of class.

Oi, enough with the eye-rolling. I'm serious here, and telling the truth, cross my heart and hope to die! I AM! Look, we could waste another paragraph or two with me rumbling about truthfulness of my words, or you could believe me – or pretend to do so – and we continue without further ado.

Besides, it's not like you have any other choice, Reader-san. Yeah, you could always press that button on the top of the screen and say "what a waste of my time (exclamation mark)". I can't stop you from doing that, nor will I be hurt or sad if you leave. As the matter of fact, that little, sadistic voice in my head will cackle in glee because you lost two or three minutes of your precious life reading this foolishness. For all you know, I could be Devil himself, enjoying this new way of torturing mortals by the means of world wide web. Maybe after this, I'll even go whip some minions, or plan out the schedule for my filler-lover fun club that I plan to establish as soon Tit- *beep* -ubo and Masa- *beep* -oto die and join me in the fiery pits.

Or I could be idiotic, tsundere narrator who tries to shoo away all of the impatient readers, so I could find that one, perfect Reader-san that will always choose me over offered bath and food.

*blush*

…

Damn, I still wasted two paragraphs justifying myself. Tsk.

So… did you decide? Are you still there?

Whatever. It's not like you can answer me, anyway. I'll continue to rumble to myself then, whether or not you're there.

So, the redhead fan girl I showed to you earlier is **A**. That dry-eyed record-breaking idiot two seats on her right is **S**. Okay, now look at the girl that sits in between those two.

That's **G**. Now, we've already been through this. Don't – I repeat – DON'T let the looks fool you.

"The silent one's are the scariest." You heard that one before right? 'Cause she might sit hunched, with her head supported by her left hand; her eyes might be half-opened and she might be shaking like a leaf due to the jigging of her crossed legs under the desk; she might be dissatisfied with the quality of city water that made her hair greasy in matter of hours after washing and, yes, she might be reading **A**'s smutty boy-on-boy action since ten minutes after class started-

But, out of those three, **G** was the only one _actually_ _knowing_ what the teacher was talking about. Truth be told, all of them should know since they've failed this class last semester and they've been re-taking it now, in their second year of university.

Was I the only one that heard, just now, that high note of the triangle being hit by a metal beater as if their situation was some kind of a classical joke? Those poor dearies, hehehehe~

*cough*

Sorry. I've spent so long watching those three and it's surprising, even to me, how I can still laugh at their misfortune. I'll admit, I'm fascinated by them.

They're so different from one another on the outside, sharing not even one similarity in their appearance, all raised in different environments, with different social standards and views of the world.

**S** enjoyed casual clothes, that made her feel comfortable and ready for anything, except running. Too lazy for that. Self-proclaimed chubby chibi that dreamed of becoming a pirate in her afterlife, capturing and sinking ships on river Styx. When tired, or high in sugar, she said whatever to whomever she was speaking to, no matter if it was a 5-year-old or a teacher.

**G** was sports-y. A scrawny tall-ish girl with really, really long hair often tied in a ponytail. Outside of her home, she couldn't be caught without her super-heavy laptop bag, or an article of clothing that wasn't green. That was her favorite color too. Thanks to karma – or really awesome mixture of genes – she couldn't get fat no matter how much food she sucked in; due to it, more than once was she compared to Son G- *beep*.

**A** was smexy, temperamental and headstrong. Dying her hair red was a really good choice since it suited her personality like a glove. She appeared as loud, confident and addicted to nicotine. She never missed a chance to make double-meaning – and usually perverse – sentences, or laugh if someone beat her to it. **A** was madly in love with her boyfriend from her hometown, but even he held a second place in her heart since #1 was taken by a certain 2D black-haired avenger with crimson eyes.

Now, all of this talking about those three girls would make no sense if there wasn't a catch. Something different, out of the field defined as "normal" or "ordinary"- Okay, as they are now, none of them could fit into either of those groups. I mean, they're so nuts that if by chance they could materialize them – the nuts – they could co-sign with Nutella and make a fortune. In simple terms - they're crazy. Lunatic. Completely bananas.

And deep down, I'm sure, they wished they were the other kind of unordinary. You know, like alien, or immortal, or able to transform in scarce clothes with the background filled with sparkles, flowers and catchy sequence music. *awkward silence* Oh, I know any striper could do that, but I meant in a more innocent, mahou shojo, way. Err… So, yeah, yeah. Like a striper that has magical powers and works in a club with a no-touching policy.

*poker face*

Yes, I did that. I just made fun of the whole genre-turned-fetish. Sue me.

Back to that catch… I'm going to make it. I, the gutsy narrator, shall make the catch that will throw those three nutcrackers in deeper hell then Tchaikovsky ever imagined for poor Clara or her wooden prince. I had a plan since the beginning, so don't worry.

My trap is already set, I just need to select the one who'll activate it. Hmmm… Let's see. **A** is useless; she's completely sucked in that BL thingy so whispering suggestions to her dormant mind is out of the question. **G** could be the best option in any other situation but this. I'd be damned if I went into her mind right now, and get caught in a rather strange threesome with Gri- *beep* and Ich- *beep*. If I wasn't on this important mission I wouldn't even blink before jumping in at the- 'Kay, I'll just stop right there.

So, it seems I don't really have a choice at this if I want to play my cards right now. Looking over **S**'s thoughts in this very moment, I am certain my plan will work out perfectly. Her mind is open like a meadow, with a couple of cows munching on green, green grass. Manipulating her into stringing the trap into action would be as easy as taking candy from a baby, then returning the said candy just to stop the brat from damaging my eardrums.

Reader-san, I must be on my way now. Wish me luck and may we meet again, and soon~

**14-1-18-18-1-20-15-18-0-9-19-0-1-14-0-9-4-9-15-20**

Coughing freshman in the second row fidgeted in his seat. Girl sitting next to the window in the first row whispered something to her friend, and a few muffled giggles erupted from their direction. Sound of various and numerous pens rolling over the paper. Whisper of turning pages and a harsh ripping sound of a page torn. Teacher's voice got drowned in the those noises, beside the fact it was much stronger than any of them, or all of them combined.

Chubby girl in the back row was writing vigorously for a couple of seconds before passing the paper to her left.

_**i'm booooooored~ **_

_**hey, G, A, wanna play a game with me? **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

**When you get caught, don't fall for the good cop-bad cop play**

**13-25-0-3-15-6-6-5-5-0-3-21-16-0-4-9-19-1-16-16-5-1-18-5-4**

Hey. *small smile* Are you with me, Reader-san? It's been a while since we last talked. How have you been? Well…? I really, really hope you did since we're in a bit of a situation here... No, I'm not talking about me getting trapped and hanging upside down from a branch… Although, I guess, it _is_ kind of a problem on the long run… *long sigh*

You remember those three idiots from last week? The ones on which I, your romantic yet slightly sadistic narrator, played a bit of a prank?

It was just little over 3 a.m. of the very next day when I suddenly woke up and realized what I have done. I- I have allowed mortals to play Match-Up game in my Story note.

So what?

_So what?_ The right question is 'WHY OH GODS OF OLD AND NEW HAD THIS DISASTER FALL UPON US' with multiple question and exclamation marks following suit. Go ahead, call me a drama queen, but you _do not _understand. And how could you possibly grasp the seriousness of this mess, since Reader-san is, after all, a mortal.

I shall then humor you and explain.

Story note is a very precious item that grants its owner, the Narrator - often called Non-writer by professionals of that craft - unimaginable amount of power. It is said that an exceptionally skilled user could, with determination and patience, gather a power so strong it could rival G-*beep* Spirit Bomb.

I, personally, do not know if this is true or not, since I've never met a Non-writer like that. Actually, no one I know met one, and nobody they knew had ever met one, so I can only assume that it's all but a myth.

When I was younger, I strongly believed in them, in those Narrators that could save the world with words, accumulated from everything good in this world. I believed I could find one, or become one and strive to inspire younger generations... I don't know when or why I stopped. Maybe I just grew up, going with the flow, too numb from dullness of the world to care if a dream died. It was buried deep in my mind and - be it to my pride or hardheadedness - I had not often thought about revisiting that particular grave. Past was for the past, as were ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

I still had my Story note, though. After you become one, you never actually stop being a Narrator or lose your note. Think of it as if the video you watch on-line that is buffering. You just sit and wait, and wait, and wait until the video starts playing again. It's actually quite funny how easily you get pulled right back into that storyteller mode.

I mean, just look at me! All I wanted was to learn and grow through experiences made by the help of new acquaintance. Instead, I just rumbled on and on, talking about G, S and A, what they did and-

Okay, that was a lie. I wanted to talk to somebody and confirm if I was still here. There, I said it! Happy? Tsk.

ZEUS SMITE IT.

_THE GIRLS. _

I lost myself for a bit there, yet again. *frown* So... When I realized that the notebook they wrote in was the wrong one, I facepalmed, headwalled and footstomped screaming up to heavens, all the while holding two identical notebooks. Too late did I realize that Dream note, the one I _borrowed_ from Morpheus when his business went from analog to digital, was a dash more purple then my custom-made amateur-only Story note.

Desperate as I may be for some entertainment, I'd never - and I'll repeat - NEVER abuse the power bestowed upon me. Or would I risk it over a few giggles.

Aaah~ All I planned was for them to have a series of extremely embarrassing dreams, and not to... Not to... Oh, in the name of *beep* -mon's pocket, I didn't mean to trap them in other stories!

...Because that is what happens when you write in the Story note - the writer gets trapped in his own story. One can't get out, not until he/she wrote down one finished whole, or put down a 'con end', that three word promise that it shall continue when the time comes. Sometimes that 'to be continued' time never came, but at least the Narrator was free of its clutches, the story he (or she) told now tame and unable to harm them in any way.

In this situation, though... It's just too different from anything I had ever encountered before. There were cases of stolen notebooks, shared notebooks, even borrowed, sold and destroyed, but never one about the Note being used without one's knowledge-

There were a few mishaps with the Note. Like, for example, in the last decades of 19th century there was this guy that wrote down a phone number of a business firm he made a deal with on the torn cover of his Story note, and ended up being forced to write the contacts of all business's in the country. Lucky bastard, he was, since the number of companies didn't exceed sixty.

There was also a similar case in England, 30-something years later, that forced a married couple to gather up all of the telephone numbers in town. Bothersome, but necessary since the husband – the owner of the note – really cared for his wife, and wanted her back. Plus, there was also a big problem with the rumors of the 'telephone ghost' haunting the lines, whispering for someone to save her from the dark.

I know of these cases since I've pulled an all-nighter chatting up with other Narrators all over the globe discreetly trying to find out what kind of consequences my thoughtlessness could lead to. Thanks to the technology of this day and age, I was successful in finding many of my kind - and luckily - get some answers.

_Problem #1: Story note is in my ownership and I am its Narrator, but other people had written in it._

That just meant that the other party had no idea what happened to them, or how to come back to real world. Also, since they had no notebook of their own, I had to be the one to 'narrate' their way out of the story. Their lives had practically been on-hold for the last 7 days, that is, from the moment the Note activated, hour or so after the game was over, to just about the moment I stumble upon them in this world. Which has not yet happened, and seems it won't soon since my hands are tied. Okay, more like feet to a tree branch, but let's not be too literal.

_Problem #2: The notebook did what its purpose was; it trapped the writer - in this case __**G**__, __**S**__ and __**A**__ - in the story, or better say 'game' they played. _

The game in question was a carefully inserted idea I put in **S**'s mind, and not a game at all; it was the criteria of the Morpheus's Dream note. To indicate a dream, one must write the name of a person, animal or place, then name an object that would leave the strongest impression on the dreamer, and last, but not least, put down a verb… And the girls did just that. More than 20 times. *beep* me.

_Problem #3: Following the rules of Story note will assure the safe return of all parties, but exceptions can be made if the owner is willing to make some risks._

I had no other choice; I was responsible for those girls getting here in the first place, and I've set my mind on doing what had to be done just to get them out. That's why it took me so long to get here – I had to prepare for anything this 'story' could throw at-

The risk? Isn't it obvious (?!) or do I have to draw it all out for you to get it in that thi-

"Who are you?"

Wait a sec, dear, I just have to doodle my situation down for this- EH?!

"You heard me. Answer."

Waitwaitwait- You're talking to me?

"…"

Ah, no, it can't be. Of course he cannot see me. It must be all the blood going right to the head, making me hear strange things. Yeah, it m- AH! Awwww~ That hurt~ Oi, oi, there's no need for you to press that kunai against my throat-

Itac-*beep* -ha. You- You see me?

"…"

Don't press it, Uchi- *beep*! You'll slit my throat open!

"Answer."

I'm the Han'nin.

"The criminal?"

Yeah, just look how dark and silhouetted I am. I'm a bit disappointed here since I expected that the one that finally got me would be a kid wearing fake glasses and a red bow-tie. Ironically, in the end it was someone who really has a problem with eyesi-

"Where are you from?"

Beika… cho?

"You know I can tell when you lie?"

I do.

"Then why do you still do it?"

If I told the truth, it would still sound like a lie to you, so there's really no point in being honest or not. If I'm going to die, then I choose to do so as a king of trolls and not as someone who was misunderstood.

"King… of trolls?"

It's just a phrase meaning I'll die a winner.

"… Did you attack the three-man squad about ten minutes south-east from here?"

No.

"Did you have anything to do with their attack?"

No.

"Have you seen anyone passing through here?"

Yes.

"What did they look like?"

Well, it was a man. Tall, dark, some would say handsome; I wouldn't, but, meh~ People have different tas-

"What else?"

Okay, _okay_! Long hair. Red eyes and a coat with clouds on it- OI!

"I've meant _other than me_."

N-no. I haven't seen anyone.

...

"I believe you."

Alright…?

Oi, where are you going? And wait! Did you just say _three_? Hey, did you say three-man squad earlier?! Don't twitch that groomed eyebrow at me and answer my question. I answered yours!

"Because I had a kunai against your bare throat."

Small details, *beep* -chi-san. Now, please, could you tell me more about it? I'm searching for three persons myself and I believe they're close by…

"Why are you searching for them?"

We kinda… got separated.

"…"

*sigh* I lost them.

"What do they look like?"

I- I do not know.

"If you were traveling with them and got separated, how could you not know?"

When we came to this world, they took possession of someone's body to act as a host since they, much like myself, do not have a physical body. The body that could be seen, I mean.

"But I could see you."

It seems so, yes.

"Sharingan."

…

Awesome eye technique to catch up on my existence, I'll add. Very useful, too, since I'm not hanging from that tree anymore. …So, yeah, thanks for that.

"How does it look like? When your companions take over someone's body?"

Whoa, totally ignored my gratitude… *bored* It looks like the time stopped, I guess? Like they're frozen? Unmovable and unresponsive… Oh, and they could not be harmed through physical attack.

"Is that permanent?"

What?

"Their state."

No. I need to get to them and start things in motion for them to get out it. Otherwise, they'll just stay like that forever.

"What happens with the original owners of the bodies?"

Nothing. They're still there but not really… in control, you might say.

"You said you do not know how they look like."

I don't because they didn't choose the bodies they, eh, 'possessed'. So… Are we, like, playing 20 questions, or you have actually seen someone lying frozen out there?

"Maybe. Why aren't you trying to take over my body?"

I cannot do that. And before you ask why, I'll just say I'm not able to do that because of my status.

"Alright. One more question."

And then you'll tell me where they are?

"What is it that you need to do?"

Errr…

"Well?"

Will you take me to them?

"…"

Don't stare like that at me! FINE! I'll tell you, but don't even for one second think I'm just jerking your ponytail or something.

They need to make your brother talk to a rock.

…

…

DON'T STARE!

**19-8-1-18-9-14-7-1-14-0-21-19-5-18-19-0-1-12-23-1-25-19-0-11-14-15-23-0-23-8-5-18-5-0-20-8-5-9-18-0-3-21-16-0-9-19**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

**It never occurred to me that a zipper could be **_**that**_** dangerous**

**12-15-23-0-19-21-7-1-18-0-12-5-22-5-12-19-0-13-1-11-5-0-13-5-0-19-12-5-5-16-25**

Excuse me… I- *beep* -san?

"Yes?"

My mom thought me never to jump from tree to a tree with strange men.

…Why are you smirking?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure that you know far more about me then I know about you."

Tsk… Stupid cabbage-lover know-it-all.

OI! Don't stare at me while jumping on twigs that can break under our weight at any time and send us to bone-breaking embrace of mother Earth!

"… Scared of heights?"

Scared of falling!

"I won't drop you."

Are you getting some perverted pleasure from having an upper hand, Mr. Rouge Ninja of the Year?

"It's quicker and safer this way."

If you say so.

"..."

...

"..."

Why not walk? I won't run.

"Just be quiet. We'll be there in a minute."

...Fine, ignore my discomfort.

"..."

I rumble when I'm uncomfortable. I can't help it!

"..."

I take that the silent treatment is a 'yes, go on' in standard Uchiha dictionary. You leave me no other choice so I shall sing you the song of my people called '10 little Aka-*beep*' aaaaand here it goes:

_Ten little Aka- _*beep*_ went to hunt Jinchu-_ *beep*

_Saso- _*beep*_ got grounded by his Gran,_

_and Hid- _*beep*_ was buried alive, damned._

_How much Aka_- *beep*_ was left?_

_Eight!_

_Eight little Aka- _*beep*_ went to hunt Jinchu-_ *beep*

_Kaku_- *beep*_ was off-ed by White F- _*beep*_- 's son_

_and Dei- _*beep*_ had himself blown!_

_How much Aka_- *beep*_ was left?_

_Six!_

_Six little Aka- _*beep*_ went to hunt Jinchu-_ *beep*

_Ita- _

Ooops, spoiler alert!

"..."

Hey, why'd you stop?

"The bodies are bellow us."

Really? Aaaaa, you monster! I actually looked down!

"I won't let you fall, trust me."

Oh, y-yeah? And why-y should I?

"If what you said was true, Naruto won't be able to come back, thus not be able to help my brother. I do not wish for that to happen."

Oh.

"Will you start then? That... Narrator jutsu?"

I- *clearing throat, embarrassed* I will, but I wish for you to hear me out first, because there are some things you need to know.

"..."

*sigh* Okay, once I start narrating you can't talk to me or stop me. Treat my presence as that of a story teller from children's' books. If you interrupt me – and by 'interrupting' I mean 'attacking' - the story will get broken. Believe me when I say that you really, _really_, do not wish for that to happen.

"I suppose there would be consequences?"

Those three would either die or forever inhabit the bodies of their hosts.

"And what about you?"

Me? I'm no different from them; I'll either stay like this or, well death would mean someone would know I'm gone… I guess I'd… Vanish? Disappear? Fade out? Experience evanescing first-hand?

"..."

*shrug* I won't let it happen so does it matter?

"No. Is there more?"

They cannot see me, or talk to me since I'll be busy narrating, so you'll have to tell them what happened and how they can move on.

"Alright."

I must warn you to be extremely careful around them. Not that they'll attack- Okay, they _might_ attack you, but not to cause you any bodily harm- no, scratch that. I've meant they won't attack you to kill you or wound you, except for maybe your pride-

Listen, just watch your ass like a pretty boy in prison.

"..."

Fan girls, ya know? Scary little things, so do tread carefully and keep in mind why you need to do this.

"Is that all?"

I... think so...? *beep* -chi-san!

"..."

Good luck.

...Okay, I can do this. I got this! F- *beep* yeah! ... I don't, but I can make it so that I _will_ get it, and then all would be fine... Probably. *sigh*

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. All the rights belong to Mr. Masashi Kishimoto. Persons mentioned that do not belong in Narutoverse are my own, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.

This is a fan fiction, made for entertainment not personal gain. Enjoy!

Sun was already sinking toward the horizon over crystal clear summer sky. Forest was void of human presence, which was a rare occurrence in these times of distrust between great ninja nations. This particular place was haunted by its bloody past, hiding its scars under moss and leaves of climber plants. Lush vegetation hid it almost too well, but those with a keener eye could spot rusty shuriken lying all over the place or kunai sticking out of tree trunks like pins.

Itachi Uchiha was a man with such eyes and his appearance disrupted the short-lived harmony of the place. He moved swiftly across branches, coming to a sudden halt when crimson eyes fell on a rather peculiar item.

Underneath the tree he was standing on, a piece of bright orange color could be seen. From his perspective it seemed like nothing more than a strip of cloth; still, the eldest Uchiha knew that the sight was not what it seemed.

When he spotted this anomaly earlier and came to investigate, he confirmed that it was definitely something he didn't expect to see. What shocked him wasn't just the identities of the shinobi, but also the state they were in. Frozen, unmoving, not breathing, yet alive and seemingly unconscious.

He scanned the area looking out for the signs of the attacker. Finding none, he dismissed that idea and searched for any possible trap or its trigger in hope it would help him figure what happened here. Hitting another dead end, he set out on a search of a wider area, looking for someone or something that could've caused this.

Luckily, he didn't waste much time, and soon had found out what had rendered those three useless and left them vulnerable in the wild.

Right now, Itachi Uchiha was putting down all the traps that he had set around the site for protection. Seeing that none of them had been activated in the short while he was away, he felt a rush of relief.

There was one difference that he noticed and processed carefully; blonde hero of Konoha wasn't 'frozen' anymore. Judging by the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the boy was fast asleep.

Uchiha already decided not to approach them until they woke, just to be on the safe side. From his place high up on the treetops, he moved twice more before he found an ideal lookout. The branch he choose hid him well but at the same time gave him a good view on the small clearing bellow, where one and only Uzumaki Naruto was right now drooling on the grass.

Amused by the sight, Itachi leaned his back against the tree, and waited, from time to time scanning the area for possible threats.

Sun sank lower and lower to the horizon as the forest bathed in the vivid sounds life. Then, only four hours before sundown, finally...

"What- no, why am I here...? Why do I sound like... a man?" Came a confused question from behind the rock.

"Aaa, my ass hurts... in all the wrong ways..." Complaint came from the bushes on the left.

"Oh, just great... It's one of those dreams where you get lost in the wild and attacked by some kind of a bea- Eh...? W-what is t-t-this?"

"What is what?" The bushes shook in movement. "And who are you anyway?!"

"I'm **S**... or I was."

"**S**? It's me, **A**! ...or I was! THE HELL IS THIS? WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE THAT B-"

"Guys, relax."

"MY HAIR IS PINK SO HOW CAN I- WHO ARE YOU?"

"**A**, chill out. It's just me, **G**. And this must be a dream, so don't burst a vain." The voice from behind of the rock sounded again, this time coming off as amused.

**S** chuckled, relieved. "Yeah, it must be."

"I don't know about you, but for me this is a FREAKIN' NIGHTMARE!"

"Well, I'm not overjoyed either, but I guess it will be a good story for laughs later..." **G **tried to calm** A** down a bit.

"I'll take this as an opportunity. **A**," sun-kissed blond jumped to his feet, "please allow me to go find Sasuke and rape him. You can watch."

"NO!" Pink haired girl screamed, jumping out from the bushes. "SASUKE IS MY HUSBAND AND HE'LL MAKE ME BABIES! HOW DO YOU- Oh... **S**, you're... Oh, my my... All the possibilities~"

"Right, ... dattebayo?"

**S** blinked and both girls-turned-main-characters started to giggle like fan girls they are, as another figure emerged from behind the rock.

"Why do I have to be Sai?" **G** wore a pout uncharacteristic and unseen on the face of the newest member of team 7. **S** flashed her-turned-him with a thousand kilowatt smile, holding her-turned-Naruto's thumbs up.

"Looking good there, **G**."

"I'm Saaaa~i! I'm not looking g- Hooo, damn he sure has nice abs..."

Naruto's smile only became bigger, although it seemed impossible earlier. On the other hand, Sakura's face was displaying a rather strange mix of emotions. She was angry, unsure, jittery and excited all at the same time, but over all frustrated because she didn't know what to do first. So many stuff to do during uncertain amount of time. Dreams are fleeting desires of heart, broken off so easily...

But, then, those two...

"Hey, you think I could do it?"

"Hm? What?"

"Stop fondling yourself and concentrate, you pervert."

"Pot calling kettle black."

"Oh, hush! Now, tell me what'cha think, could I do it?"

"Do what? Sasuke?"

Naruto's jaw dropped, but **S** quickly recovered, and still not quickly enough to stop the next part:

"If **A** approves, I don't see why not. You've read enough yaoi to know all the steps- Oh, and if **A** says yes, could I watch too? SasuNaru is my favorite ship in the anime, so I'd really like if I could see 'real action', if you know what I me-"

"**G**!"

"What?! **A** can watch and I can't? That's not faaaair, Dadaaaa~"

"You perverted idiot!" Sai was now sporting a small bump on the back of his head. "I've meant the shadow clone jutsu! Tsk."

Naruto turned around, ignoring the whines of 'it hurts' and 'idiot Dada', closed his eyes and relaxed his posture. Breathing in an out, he raised his hands and recreated the hand signs for the jutsu. It came with a bit of a shock when five seconds later another Naruto appeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Damn, nigga."

Sai stopped his rant, eyes wide as dinner plates, while two Narutos danced and spun around in small celebration.

"I did it! I did it!"

"Cool~ Do Rasengan next! Ra-sen-gan! Ra-sen-gan!"

"Fine, fine! ...Just let me do one thing."

**A** was pulled out of her musings when the clone appeared, but she just stood silent and watched as the scene unfolded in front of her.

After a victory dance, one of the Narutos got all serious, his shoulders straight and stiff. The answer on the loud request from a rather thrilled **G** was dismissive and given without much thought. The original Naruto circled around the clone, watching it from all sides, examining him, searching for flaws. Five turns later, **S** had, almost bashfully placed a hand on the clone's chest.

"What are you doing?" **G** was blinking innocently, sitting cross-legged on the ground.

Clone stared at the original, eyelids flattering before gulping down and blushing profoundly.

"Do as you wish, but I wanna-"

"Hush," the original put a finger to his lips to silence him. "I'll be gentle, I promise."

"A-alright," clone stuttered, embarrassed.

"THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG!" **G** rolled on the ground while **A** just stood there, her mouth agape.

"That's a good boy," **S** ignored all of the howling laughter from the background, gently caressing the clone's cheek.

"Why do you still continue to-" Sound of a zipper being pulled down stopped all rational thoughts in **G**'s head. "You _serious_?!"

**A **was beet red now, her thoughts going into overdrive. How to write this down? How to express the way original's eyes glinted, or clone's small gasps? How to describe gentle shivers that came after insecure caresses of fingers pulled down along exposed chest? How to put into words all the blushing, lip licking, jittering, eye locking, nodding, and... was- Was that a moan?

Writer in **A**'s mind screamed as her perverted mind rejoiced about the sights and all new information it picked up from this, this... make-out session? Both sides, however, didn't even notice when she joined dumbfounded Sai on the ground.

"D-Don't... touch me there... It t-tickles..."

"It does? Where...? Here?"

"Aaanhh~ Y-You idiot... You didn't touch there before, s-so of course it's not _that_..."

"I know that," original whispered hotly in other one's ear. "_I just wanted to touch you there~_"

"An underhanded excuse? P-Pervert."

"Just as much as you are, dobe."

On the ground, **A** chocked on her own drool, which brought her back to her senses.

"What am I doing?! I must find Sasuke and take advantage of him!" She was suddenly yelling and getting up to her feet, wearing a determined look on the face she detested as much as he liked the youngest Uchiha.

"Huh?" Sai looked up, blood running from his nose and down his lips and chin. "You said something?"

"Watching Naruto grope himself is fun, but I want to exploit this as much as I ca-"

"Nnnnnnnghhh~"

"You like this? How cute," original purred against the clone's neck. "All teeth and nails, and rough, sweaty... Where would you like it? On the ground? Against the tree? I could tie you up... and explore you like a cave in Skyrim - up and down and all over in search for treasures..."

"Y-You are too much..."

"Nah, you are... If I'm not careful I might get lost in your deep, hot and moist caverns~"

"S-Stop- Don't- Not in front of them-"

"I don't see anyone but you~"

Clone blushed an even deeper red, his eyes pleading the two stunned shinobi standing not more than few steps further. Moments later, it shuddered and rolled his head backwards, closing its eyes.

"I- I'm starting to feel funny," it breathed out, raspingly, biting down on its lip. "Something is feeling weird d-down... in my s-stomach."

Sai never before displayed such a colorful palette of emotions as he had in that very moment. The nosebleed now raged, ample and steady, down his face and onto the green grass, coloring it red. His face looked paler, but his cheeks were now smeared in gentle shade of pink. Whole of his slim frame shook in excitement and expectation, right leg jittering under the left.

**A** was shocked out of her mind, since it still grasped the fact that it was actually **S** who was controlling Naruto's body, and that she was using this situation to grope on the poor Jinchuuriki boy from Hidden Leaf.

That was not fair! She wanted to grope someone too, but in that body... No one liked stupid Sakura. Okay, Lee did but... yuck. Just, no.

And there was also the fact she had spent all this time ogling two Narutos going at it... Maybe if she wished hard enough, Sasuke would appear and take off his clothes and kiss Naru- NO! _He can't do that_! Not with... this one, at least. The submissive clone would suffice, though. Yeah, just like the one that **S** now had on his knees right now.

Wait, how far was she planning on going with this?

"C'mon, tell me you want it."

"You are m-my master~"

"Yes?" Original urged him to continue with a gentle, yet purely sadistic smile.

"Dada!" Sai squealed like a girl he was - technically, he really was a girl right now - his eyes firmly shut and covered with hands. "STOP THIS!"

"Why should I?" Question was followed by a joyful cackle. "Does this bother you, son?"

"P-please don't pull my hair," clone whimpered.

"I'm showing off your delicious neck to the world; it wasn't my intention to hurt you, precious," **S** put a peck on the clone's forehead, a smirk forming on her - in truth, Naruto's - face as she looked at the fidgeting Sai. "Is the sight too stimulating, Sunshine?"

"Do you feel weird down there too?" Puffed out the clone, blushing, now also looking at the pale shinobi. That question, though, produced a more desirable reaction.

"IT DOESN'T! BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO STUFF LIKE THA-"

"Stuff like what?" Original pulled the clone to his feet, embracing him and hiding his face in the crook of its neck.

"Like hugging, and touching, and biting, and licking, and HUMPING ON EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC! DON'T YOU DARE GETTING NAKED RIGHT HERE AND NOW WHEN-"

"When you actually wanna see it happen?"

"I wanna see!" **A** admitted, quickly.

"WELL-! I would, but-"

"That was enough for me. You?"

Clone nodded in agreement, smiled toothily and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. **S** rearranged her clothes and sat down where she stood, cross-legged, ignoring the shocked expressions of her schoolmates.

"What was... all that?" **A** was first to break the silence.

"A tease."

"And you... You stopped?! Why? _Why?!_"

"We don't have cigarettes here, so why bother?" **S** shrugged, plucking grass around her legs in boredom.

"That's your excuse?"

"I'm going to kill her. Here, **A**, hold my scroll while I bitchslap this idiot."

"Oi, oi, no need for domestic violence. I just wanted to try this out since I've always wondered if Naruto did this with his clones-"

"Of course he didn't! We all know that once the jutsu is released, all of the memories and experience come back to the original!"

"Always so quick to jump to conclusions... I've meant trolling others with the teasing. Or maybe seducing a date or something..."

Silence, but then a gigantic scroll went flying...

"OUCH! Et tu, **G**, mi fili?"

"You deserved it!"

"It was…" **S** raised her right fist in the air. "Worth it!"

Scroll – currently, safely held in Sai's hands - was now flying like an official airline, since it had established its point of destination as Naruto's face.

"Don't! You! Dare! Pull! A! Luffy! On! Me! Idiot! Dada!" **G** yelled between swings.

"I- I wouldn't even think about it!" S tried to dodge the oversized scroll in Sai's hands. "Who better than I knows that you're all hot for Law, not Luffy."

"OH MY (G)ODA! There's no point in arguing with you, is there?"

"Nope."

Sai sighed and the scroll disappeared in smoke, followed by a strange popping sound. Naruto lowered his guard a bit, but not completely; he seemed as if he had some experience with similar situations.

"Are you two done?" **A** was pissed off, hands crossed angrily under her breasts. "I really don't have time to waste on you two going all S&M on each other!"

"Wha'?"

"I'M NOT SUBMISSIVE! I'VE NEVER ONCE BEEN SUBMISSIVE IN MY LIFE! NOT EVEN TO A TRAFFIC LIGHT!"

"Ahahahahahaha, nice one Dada!"

"Always wanted to say that."

"I know, I know…" G was now wiping the tears from her eyes, while **A** looked more and more like… Sakura PMS-ing? Background got all purple with blue wiggling lines, and a bright red anime vain popped out, pulsating from time to time. Yeah, right there on Sakura's pronounced forehead, which meant only one thing.

The shit was going down. Really fast.

"I _need_ to find Sasuke. You hear me? I NEED TO _FIND_ HIM. Right NOW!"

Fast as lightning, sounding like a thunder from up close, and making legs numb like an mind-blowing orgasm – that was the force behind Sakura's fist hitting the ground. Only the built-in reflexes of the bodies they occupied saved **G** and **S** from getting caught in the aftermath of **A**'s rage. Earth cracked and dust rose like water ripples all around the enraged pinkette who panted heavily, then coughed and gasped like an asthmatic having an attack.

"Hey, **A**, you alright?! **A**!"

"I'm-" another series of violent coughs, "I'm sorry, guys… I'm not myself… Mentally, no… _Literally_!"

"Maybe you should eat a Snickers," **G** stated blankly.

"Very funny," **A** rolled her eyes, dusting off her clothes.

"Oh, my, a comeback worthy of a troller! You made Dada proud today, Sunshine," **S** joke-cried.

"It's okay, **A**. No one was hurt and that's what matters," **G** ignored the blonde idiot still faking tears as well as A's reaction. "We should talk about what do we do next, so come here… Ground doesn't look all that safe around you."

"Fine," A agreed with a small shrug and jumped twice before landing not far from the two who were already – in tune with their inner laziness – sitting on the grass. Slightly drained from her earlier lash-out, she sat down too; 'can't beat them join them' seemed like a right strategy around that fake father-son duo.

"So…" **G** hugged her knees. "What do we do?"

"Uchihas?" **S** was quick to chip her 5 cents in.

"Don't say it like that!"

"I agree."

"Huh?"

"I agree. Let's do them."

"**A**!" **G** sounded flustered. "We can't just go around and rape men!"

"In my dream – yes we can! Especially if the men in question are dark-haired lumps of pure essence of sexiness."

"Yeah, I know! But, it's against the law-"

"She wants to say they'll struggle-"

"I like them feisty!" **A** squealed, little hearts flying around her.

"Look, **G**, later on we can always say we were worried for the continuation of Uchiha family line," **S** fought the case.

"YES! LET'S MAKE UCHIHA BABIES!" **A** was too eager to describe.

"See? She wants to help the noble cause. Why wouldn't you, son? Don't you like Itachi?"

**G** hid her face in her knees, blushing like mad, mumbling something that sounded like 'yeah'.

"I'm sure Itachi will like you too."

"But I'm a boy," **G** whined, pulling on her – or better say Sai's – cheek.

"I want twin boys first!" **A** (trapped in Sakura's body) was actually somewhere closer to cloud nine.

"So what? A wig and three beers, and you'll be a girl to that light-weight."

"Even after six beers, he'll see the difference!"

"He has a bad sight."

"He has a Sharingan!"

"Well, I don't need one to know he's _gay_!"

"Whoa!" **A** heard that one… no surprise there.

"What was that?" Naruto was on his feet.

"Huh?"

"Guys, didn't you hear that sound like crackling of burning wood?"

"Hey! Don't try to change the subject now!" **G** frowned.

"Seriously, I can even smell it now! What?! Don't stare at me as if I did something wrong." Silence. "...Maybe I should go check it out."

"I'll go with you!" **A** was on her feet too.

"Eh, no, no, you better stay here, **A**. I'll just go over there quickly and see if the wood's burning or something, then come back-"

"You don't want me to go? But what if Sasuke is there!"

"No way. He's always either chasing Orochimaru's ass or Naruto's-" Then it downed on her. "Oh, yeah… I'm Naruto now."

**A** winked and urged **S** to start walking. "I'll make sure I'm always behind you so if Sasuke ever came after your ass, I catch him first!"

"But, but… **A**, you see, I- After checking I wanted to… relieve myself of extra fluids… You know, to water the grass, err~"

"Can I see it?"

"What?" Naruto's whole frame shrunk inwardly a bit.

"You know… _That,_" Sakura's eyes suggestively moved lower.

"NO!"

"Why not? We're all girls here."

"But I have a man's body!"

"Which isn't yours so any shortcoming is strictly his. No need to feel shame if its… unsatisfying."

"I'm not showing you Naruto's package and that's that!"

"But I need to know! C'mon! Make a small sacrifice for my art!" **A** followed after outraged **S** deeper into the forest and through the foliage.

"Don't follow me," came a muffled bark.

"I just need to go to the toilet too," was the response.

Above, in the safety of the leaves, Itachi Uchiha took out one of his kunai and carved a few signs on the tree bark. After finishing, he moved to another tree, leaving the note that clearly said: "I'll do this once."

Down under, **A** looked and made the startled **S** make a beginner's mistake; she pulled up the zipper too quickly.

Blood-curling scream that filled the forest after that sent the birds flying over the sunset sky…

**8-9-7-8-0-19-21-7-1-18-0-12-5-22-5-12-19-0-23-8-15-1-0-3-8-1-18-9-26-1-18-4**


End file.
